Saturday, January 05, 2008

ps. A back date post. Was supposed to post this on the 5th but thanks to the connection in my hostel here made the delay for the posting. Thanks to blogger for having the draft saved. =)

The meaning of lonely? Hard to describe. It's happy when you've friends around you and share the things and feelings from the bottom of our heart. But what happens if one day you need a friend that you wish to talk to but the friend that you wish to talk to wasn't able to be there for you? Well, might as well find another friend. But what if every friends of yours wasn't able to be there as well? The feeling will be very worst right?

I was sick and now I'm feeling a little better at least. Few days ago, I asked one of my buddy do you think I'd changed? My buddy said yeap, I did changed. I've changed into someone who isn't me anymore. I've lost my happiness, I've lost my smile. I've changed into someone who is so pessimistic. Keep on thinking to the worst. Keep on thinking back of the past. Keep on thinking and keep on crying. Dang! I hate that.

I want my smile back. But is it possible to find my smile here? I really wish to have a true friend here that I can share my everything just like my buddies back in Miri. I don't want depression to find me instead. I want my smile back. I really want my true happiness back. Like what I told my buddy I'm still in a heartache mode although I'm feeling better now. Gee~ Can we went back when we were in Form 4 and 5? Although there were really very rough times that happened to me, specially in RC, but it happened to be that my buddies were there with me.

Suddenly feel like talking and sharing about RC. I'd joined since Form 1 and was a very active girl in RC. They're tons of seniors and friends that taught me alot of things in RC. Became a Vice Section Leader in Form 2, Vice Secretary in Form 3 and ended up with the Head Section Leader, the president, in Form 4 and half of Form 5. A Vice Chairman for the Youth Leader Committee in Miri also. And got various of certs specially the National Award and the Best Youth Leader in Miri. Although my year we didn't get to won much, and although I didn't get the opportunity to get so much awards, but we learned and we grown much.

Although they're accidents, misunderstands, quarrels happened almost every year but we did learned alot from it. Thanks to RC a lot. I learned to lead, I learned to camp, I learned to enjoy, I learned to plan, I learned to organize, I learned to help, I learned to first aid, I learned to march, I learned to teach, I learned to be tough, and more and more.

Cause of RC I've met you, cause of RC I've met my buddies, cause of RC which makes me now. Although they're still troubles happening but I'm sure everything will be ok soon. But I didn’t get to learn something from RC, which is how to be lonely when you’re lonely, how to be tough and happy when you’re lonely. Although there are times in camps and activities that I’ve been through need to be handled by myself, but there are support from my buddies and partners that pushed me and motivates me. But what happened to me now? I don’t want to be like this. I want me to be like before. The one who was so damn active and a very happy girl.

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